Monday, April 30, 2007


I'm getting so antsy. I'm ready to not work a 9-5. To not live in Seattle. To do different things with some different people. To eat different food and drink different beer and get rid of all of my shit. I mean all of my shit. I'm not even taking a bed with me. I'll get a new one when I get there. I'll have clothes and some of my books and I'm buying a bicycle. But that's it. That's it.

I want it to be summer. I want to go swimming. I want to eat corndogs on alki.

I just don't want to be at work. My job is pointless and I feel like I'm wasting my life here and I would quit if I didn't absolutely need the money and if I believed there was ever an easier way to make money, if somewhat annoying and boring and pointless and I just can't believe they pay me for this...

I still have 2.5 hours left. That's a long time. A looooong tiiiiiime...

Friday, April 27, 2007

response to o. hunt

Like everything else,
even literature,
that is necessary
as painting.
It's like being a child again,
who learns nothing
except war
or something.
Just another tv show.
We're selling sex and violence.
And eternal youth:
building erections,
eating each other alive,
red & blue & stringy.
We're rolling on the pavement
in the desert.
Who is rocking all of this?
There are too many of us.
And we're all a little scary.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Reading on the Bus

Obviously, whether that's how you choose your book or not, reading in public automatically brings to question how your reading in public appears to others, and what you're reading can impact that impression. For example, I read poetry. I like to read poetry, but I have no doubt that the people who see me reading on the bus think I'm pompous, or that I think that I'm better than they are, or that I must be smart. (I have felt this way, except for the smart part, about somebody I saw reading Dylan Thomas aloud in a coffee shop. I also thought they were an idiot b/c they were clearly doing it to make other people think that he was cool & smart. But he wasn't.)

Idea: Reading (not aloud) in public as performance. Read in strange places where you normally wouldn't see somebody read. The floor of a public restroom. Under a table in a restaraunt. In one of those chairs at the bank, or grocery store. At a concert (I actually have a friend who does this. The reaction is phenomenal.) At a loud bar (I have done this. It was awkward. I left.) Someplace crazy. Read something crazy too. Or something ordinary.

It's on the level w/ wearing a fat suit & fake pimples and walking around town to see how different people would treat you if you were less attractive. Reading as sociological experiment. Fun.

Friday, April 20, 2007

I do not have a fever anymore.
I am not puking anymore.
I have eaten solid food & seen no immediate biological reaction.

Victory to my immune system. It only took a week, afterall.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

The pearls: lovers.
We wore them selfishly around our necks.
She held the needle tenderly.
The yarn, like tendons. Story like new skin,
ravelling in our mouths.
I swallowed the words. They were hard,
knotted. I choked a little,
which was fitting. Starving for
sheep flesh on cooking on the stove top.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

another day w/o sun

I am going home.

Noah Eli Gordon: On Making a Poem

"I've tried everything I can think of to bring a poem into the world: automatic writing; timed writing; making word lists; sketching out detailed charts of specific syntax and filling in the words later on; writing only in public; writing at specific times of day. The really maddening thing about it—and I'm sure this is true for many many poets—is that once you've had that breakthrough moment with a particular mode it's sure not to work the next time.

For me, being a poet is something that needs to be continually relearned. Nothing works the same way twice, which is why I think it's important to explore as many avenues as one can, to create outrageously complex and seemingly impossible projects for one's self, even if they end up in failure. Although I'm wary of labeling various factions within the poetry community, I do think this is a more generative way to consider the term "experimental poetry," as it's all about seeing what works and what doesn't. How does one experiment with language, with memory, with narrative, or even with emotional states or physical conditions? The goal is not necessarily to write a certain kind of poetry, but simply to alter the ways in which any poetry might be written."

It was great to read this. I've either said the same thing before, or thought it, or just plain experienced it.

I guess it's always nice to know you're not alone.

I'm experiencing the "nothing works the same way twice" problem with Horoscope. The first set came out easily. I find myself working harder with each poem as it comes. Slackening into old and easy tropes. I'm aware of it, making a concious effort to not ease up. But it's hard.

Monday, April 9, 2007

I think I hate my Job.

It's really easy and I'm bored a lot. I spend most of my time reading other people's blogs. I have checked my email probably 20 times today and have not yet found a new message awaiting me. I am drinking pinapple juice & soda water which creates a refreshing pinapple soda. Yum. I am thinking about alice blue b/c I need to assemble my top twenty something submissions for our "editorial panel." This is a term I just made up. I am somewhat tired of discussing "important matters." I am afraid of global warming but do not think I am afraid to die. I haven't yet been faced with my own death. I get cranky in the morning. I do not like to sleep alone. I am moving to Boise in a few months. I am moving by myself. I am glad to get away from the idiots I work with. I will miss my parents and my friends and the boy who will be my ex-boyfriend. I went to a mexican restaraunt for Easter Brunch. I stopped being Catholic a long time ago. My stomach is still revolting from said Mexican Easter Brunch. I want to go on a trip. To another country or state. Somewhere I have never been before. I want to start riding a bicycle instead of driving or taking the bus. Riding a bicycle= nearly time efficient travel + exercise. I am making a point to eat more whole fruits and vegetables, less rice & pasta & less eating out. I am addicted to diet coke though. I don't know why. I can't give it up. I used to drink gin & tonics and very dirty gin martinis. I like things that are dirty. I don't like things that are too neat. Too clean. That seems to easy. Fake. I once listened to my coworkers talk in an elevator. They think cologne is really, really important. I think they're stupid. I think a lot of people are stupid. Sometimes I am stupid. Sometimes I am afraid of what people think of me b/c of how badly I think of so many other people. Perhaps if I were in Luxemberg people would seem less stupid. That's probably just because I wouldn't be able to "overhear" their conversations. And because Luxemberg is such a cool name. I like to talk and think about all things eighties, including blue eyeshadow and full-figured models. Blue eyeshadow should not make a comeback. Curvy models should. I would like to go home now. I will go for a run but what I really want to do is sleep or watch a movie that was made in the 80's. I want to see Vibes (thank you Mr. 1988). Or Transformers (the original, w/Orson Welles. Thank you Trae).

Thank you all, and Goodnight!

Friday, April 6, 2007

I just bought...

A new digital camera. Or, I guess, my first digital camera. It makes me very excited. It's a sony with 7.3 megapixels and it's shiny!

Thursday, April 5, 2007

I don't want to be here...

at work, of course. What I really want to do is walk ten feet, out of the office and into the bar, and have a really stiff drink.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007


in the blogosphere have decided to research and study and think about existentialism. I have decided to think about physics.

I recently watched a documentary on Einstein. It was pretty interesting.


Stephen Hawking is coming to Seattle.

I will read A Brief History of Time. And then I will read Brian Greene's The Elegant Universe (which I have had on my book shelf for a really long time and been meaning to read.)

Wikipedia: "Physics" (often spelled physike) formerly consisted of the study of its counterpart, natural philosophy, from classical times until the separation of modern physics from philosophy as a positive science during the nineteenth century.


Monday, April 2, 2007

Worst Idea in the World?

...watching City of God and then following that up by watching Blood Diamond.

Most depressing weekend in the universe.