It's pretty incredible to know the exact moment of change. Up until Wednesday, I was still in Boise, even though I was living back in my parent's guest bedroom (what used to be my brother's room), and commuting back and forth to Seattle, working at the top of the Columbia Tower Club, with the most expansive view of the Seattle area from the top floor of the tallest building in the city, etc. But, as changes tend toward, I was still mostly sad. Still reminiscing. And with the tragedy after tragedy (getting hit by a truck, fraudulent charges on my bank account, wrestling with student loan lenders, my supposed to be full time job turning out to be spectacularly part time, and so on and so on and so on) that befell me from day 3 of my return on through most of my first month back, I was feeling very few of the blessings I expected upon my return. And rather helpless. It took time to see many of my friends, and I still haven't seen a lot of them. When I wasn't commuting, working, bathing, or eating, I was trapped in the second story of my parent's house because my cat couldn't come downstairs and she was struggling with the transition herself. I hadn't heard from almost any of my friends back in Boise. I curled up in the fetal position. I cried. I watched Buffy. Again.
On the plus side, the part-time hours I was working gave me an excuse, nay! required that I dress to the 9s every day. And trust me, you never saw someone look so good. Getting hit by a truck resulted in painkillers so I spent a lot of the first month just plain high. And I did get a lot of reading done. And finished the next alice blue art book.
But Wednesday, sigh, everything changed. Everything became real and good even though the changes were gradual and slow. I managed to find a new job about a week prior to this Wednesday, a really fantastic job. A better than my failed full time job job with amazing people doing something good for way better money. A boon! And I got to see many of my friends, my amazing friends who took care of me and reminded me of a big reason why I was coming back. And I also managed to take a few days for myself, even, to just relax and process and detense the muscles all over my body. But sitting on the bus on the way to my new job, not a first day, just a day to fill out paperwork, with the sun (finally) shining, passing by old and familiar neighborhoods and businesses, listening to the crazy people jabber and watch the cute college boys boarding and unboarding, with my ipod on low, I realized i was smiling. And that I finally felt like I was home. I went on to buy a new bike. To have lunch in a cafe in columbia city with a grapefruit mimosa. Things were falling into palce. And it was this day that I realized that I was finally home. The change happened. Internally. I was happy.
So now it should be all good things (or at least mostly, with a dealable amount of bad). I'm starting to look for a place so I can actually move to the city (no more long, long commute). And after I move to the city I'll start volunteering at Bike Works, and/or maybe a hospital. I've been reading essays by Wendell Berry. And I bought a new batch of plants: thai basil, thyme, italian basil, rosemary. I'm cooking. I made a carrot top soup with orange and white carrots. Asparagus with a lemon shallot sauce. Tomorrow I'm making pulled pork with a cilantro lime coleslaw, mixed greens with walnuts & balsamic, and a strawberry rhubarb pie. I'm looking at a chilled melon soup with thai basil and I had an accidental date. Less than a month back, and I'm dating. Take that Boise.
But still, people are missed. And the co-op, of all things, sorely missed.
But mostly, I'm just looking forward to my 4th of July trip to Portland. My new bike, and hopefully my leg being able enough to handle riding it, and hopefully lengthy bikerides quite soon. And my new job, which promises ridiculous amounts of vacation, and the ability to support myself, my press, my life, and let me just destress for a bit.
Pictures to follow. When I get my computer hooked up to the internet. Which just doesn't seem to be happening at all. Oh well. It's also kind of nice to not be chained to facebook, gchat, or checking my email every 5 minutes.
much love, mes cheris de nombreux!